It’s you I like,
It’s not the things you wear, it’s not the way you do your hair
But it’s you I like
The way you are right now,
The way down deep inside you
Not the things that hide you, not your toys
They’re just beside you
But it’s you I like
Every part of you, your skin, your eyes, your feelings
Whether old or new.
I hope that you’ll remember
Even when you’re feeling blue
That it’s you I like, it’s you yourself, it’s you.
It’s you I like
Fred Rogers, Mister Roger’s Neighborhood
There are differences between being coached by an external coach, rather than a manager or colleague. The most important of these is the perception you have of the other person. A manager, colleague or partner has a vested interest in outcomes in a way that an external coach doesn’t. Strangely, it’s the way that an external coach is disinterested, the extent to which they don’t rather than do care, that can make their involvement so powerful. Continue reading “Coaching as a management style: Carl Rogers and the humanists”
I recently met up with someone who’d just left their job because the worry and stress had built up to a point where it just wasn’t worth it anymore. In many ways it was a shame because it had been a fantastic role, the pinnacle of a brilliant career. But what’s the point when the anxiety from being at work overwhelms everything else?
Although there’s much more open discussion currently about the subject of anxiety, the details of the experience are mostly kept very private. But the point to understanding your anxiety is that it’s not a state, something that appears temporarily and then goes away. It’s a more or less constant trait, in many ways the very core of being human. It’s what drags us down and inhibits us yes. But it’s also the agitation and will that makes us go on and achieve, to give a damn and to change things.
The opposite of an anxious perspective is not necessarily one of calm and peace but often one of indifference and apathy. The point it not to eliminate your anxiety but to learn to live with it, since “a life that was anxiety-free would also be bereft of wonder, enthusiasm and excitement.” Continue reading “Why you should learn to stop worrying and love your anxiety instead”
At the start of any coaching engagement I always begin by establishing the goals and expectations of the client. A little while ago I started work with a new client who had a short-term priority that he wanted to tackle first. Christmas was coming, so in our first session, he wanted my ideas on quick wins to boost his sales. I told him I’d do my best to give him some ideas but also that they probably wouldn’t be very good.
He wanted to do it nonetheless so we spent an hour brainstorming some ideas.
Next time I saw him was after Christmas and I asked how his sales had gone and whether the quick wins we’d worked on last time around had made a difference. Sales had been great but he reluctantly admitted that the new ideas hadn’t really made any difference. I was very pleased as he looked at me and smiled saying “It doesn’t really work like that does it?” Continue reading “What is Developmental Coaching?”
There is a practical side to choosing a coach but the most important part is that you simply feel comfortable and confident with them.
I once coached somebody for an hour during which time I didn’t say anything at all. Literally, nothing. By the end of it they’d decided to take a three month sabbatical and get a new job. They were happily married, well-educated and with a wide circle of friends but they told me they couldn’t have had that conversation with anybody else.
Now I have no idea what actually went on there and claim no credit other than to know when to shut up. Most of the work that you do with a coach will come from you and consequently be a result of your feeling at ease with them. When you choose one, the single most important criteria is that it feels right and you trust them. Continue reading “How do I choose a coach?”
A coach primarily listens and encourages you to reflect and delve deeper into matters that are important to you. There is an ongoing conversation that you have with yourself. Psychologists call this “the narrator”; individuals often call it “me”. A coach will look to become part of that conversation, to break circular thinking and try to help you find greater clarity.
Conversations with friends, colleagues and confidantes can do this too. Verbalising your inner voice can give you different perspectives on your thoughts and help make more sense of them. If there’s a difference it may be in the extent to which a coaching conversation is one-way, for an extended period of time. Some people find this disconcerting to begin with and take a while to get used to a dynamic where the cares and concerns of the other person present do not have to be taken into account. Continue reading “What does a coach do?”